John Brazell

All In All I'd Sooner Fall Into a Vat of Chocolate - a Valentine Story

In the beginning there was Marcus Hall. Mark who was archetypical of the hairier sex — insensitive, uncommunicative and lacking in the fine art of romance — stayed mostly in his man cave. One day, over beer, nuts and football halftime he pondered. “How do I compensate for being a slug all year and get the little woman off my back?” Aha! With crayons... (posted by John 14 hours 40 minutes ago.)

Baring It All and Eating Goober Peas

My long time sweetie, SB, and I traveled over the holidays and I feel it’s my duty to tell you once more don’t do this. Here’s a handy guideline you can count on: Flying is not friendly for anyone old enough to remember Tom Mix, girdles, or the airline slogan, “Fly the Friendly skies.” In fairness, we and our luggage arrived on time and in a similar condition -- worn around the edges... (posted by John 24 days 23 hours ago.)

CHANGING THE TIME (Who are we kidding)

The “change” I like is the kind that jingles in your pocket and serves as a golf ball marker on the green. So you can imagine how I feel when the Universal Time and Torture (UT & T) committee yanks our collective chains twice a year. Otherwise intelligent people turn the hand on clocks, watches and sundials forward then backward wondering, “Did I do that... (posted by John 84 days 1 hour ago.)

So What's In Your Evacuation Bag

“It’s hotter than hell in Texas ” is no longer just an expression. And it's dry as burnt toast. Yeah, it’s been a tough summer as triple digit temperatures, high winds and lack of rain raised the misery index to just short of living in the Gobi Desert with the Kardashian family. Wild fires spread across Texas like, ah, wildfire devouring everything in its path. A lot of people lost everything... (posted by John 132 days ago.)

Going the Distance With a Jug of Moo

So it was just me and an unopened 96-ounce jug of milk. The little woman was nowhere to be found. The whole-grain-toasted little “O’s” were calling and I was going to win. I gathered my wits and twisted off the first impediment, a screw-on cap, knowing the second would test my motor skills and will to suppress four-letter golf words. Stretched across the... (posted by John 161 days 19 hours ago.)

Pig Latin More Than Oinking In the Mud

I grew up in a Dallas suburb and learned a second language at a young age. The word “bilingual” had not yet been invented, and neither had the wheel. My new language was Latin, called “Pig Latin” though I had no idea why. It didn’t require grunting or burrowing your snout in the mud. I knew of only two people who spoke Latin; Julius Caesar out of my... (posted by John 189 days 4 hours ago.)