Page 1 of John Brazell's writing

1. Levi’s Are Out, Mantyhose Are In Lordy, lordy now we know what’s been going on in all those “man caves.” As if man-purses, earrings, mascara and fake lashes don’t engender enough de-gender, now there’s “Mantyhose” -- men’s own... (posted by John 20 days 9 hours ago.)

2. GONE MISSING -- A Familiar Refrain I’d like to dispel the notion that memory diminishes in proportion to the number of rings around your trunk. I’d like to but I can’t. So we’ll just prattle on about weird goings on here in our messy little world to make you... (posted by John 80 days 11 hours ago.)

3. All In All I'd Sooner Fall Into a Vat of Chocolate - a Valentine Story In the beginning there was Marcus Hall. Mark who was archetypical of the hairier sex — insensitive, uncommunicative and lacking in the fine art of romance — stayed mostly in his man cave. One day, over beer, nuts and football... (posted by John 105 days 21 hours ago.)

4. Baring It All and Eating Goober Peas My long time sweetie, SB, and I traveled over the holidays and I feel it’s my duty to tell you once more don’t do this. Here’s a handy guideline you can count on: Flying is not friendly for anyone old enough to remember Tom Mix... (posted by John 130 days 6 hours ago.)

5. CHANGING THE TIME (Who are we kidding) The “change” I like is the kind that jingles in your pocket and serves as a golf ball marker on the green. So you can imagine how I feel when the Universal Time and Torture (UT & T) committee yanks our collective chains twice a... (posted by John 189 days 8 hours ago.)

6. So What's In Your Evacuation Bag “It’s hotter than hell in Texas ” is no longer just an expression. And it's dry as burnt toast. Yeah, it’s been a tough summer as triple digit temperatures, high winds and lack of rain raised the misery index to just... (posted by John 237 days 7 hours ago.)

7. Going the Distance With a Jug of Moo So it was just me and an unopened 96-ounce jug of milk. The little woman was nowhere to be found. The whole-grain-toasted little “O’s” were calling and I was going to win. I gathered my wits and twisted off the first... (posted by John 267 days 2 hours ago.)

8. Pig Latin More Than Oinking In the Mud I grew up in a Dallas suburb and learned a second language at a young age. The word “bilingual” had not yet been invented, and neither had the wheel. My new language was Latin, called “Pig Latin” though I had no idea... (posted by John 294 days 11 hours ago.)

9. Will Shorter Laces Save Your Sole (and Noggin) I bought two new pair of rubber-sole athletic shoes bringing my total to a "gazillion" -- a large number used to describe both government spending and Tiger's girlfriends. Wearing “gum-sole” shoes is, unto itself, not unusual for... (posted by John 315 days 7 hours ago.)

10. Pop's Favorite Chick Was a Knockout (and Learning To Pray) Country kids get a leg up on their city counterparts when it comes to learning the basics of life. It's one thing to read about "Old McDonald" and yet another to put on your old shoes and clean out his chicken coop. Even when you're in single... (posted by John 333 days 9 hours ago.)

11. Doing My Part To Fill-Up the Black Hole I was deep in thought –- well, sort of -- fingers resting lightly on my keyboard when an audible click sent the screen tumbling into the Digital Black Hole. Nothing. Nada. Kaput. This wasn't the first time. As I sat silently swearing at the... (posted by John 1 year 10 days ago.)

12. Here a Beep, There a Beep, Everywhere a Beep-Beep My car is two-months old and I’m already tired of it. Well, not the car but the beeps. I fall asleep to (sing along), “A beep-beep here and a beep-beep there, here a beep, everywhere a beep-beep ...” The Sounds of Silence... (posted by John 1 year 33 days ago.)

13. A Pollen Tsunami and Faulty Flu Shots At the urging of the Surgeon General and Oprah, I dutifully went to a well known drugstore and got a flu shot. This was during the optimal time for people my age – after a nap in October. Actually I’m not sure of the month but... (posted by John 1 year 48 days ago.)

14. Trying To Be Cool With An Old Cell Phone I embarrassed my daughter and tween granddaughters, as if that is hard to do. “Well Pops, it’s not the bottlebrush growing from your ears, it’s your hundred-year-old cell phone. Cingular, ‘eeeuuuwww’ what’s... (posted by John 1 year 76 days ago.)

15. Maturity, a Vintage Conditon (Sort Of) I was in Formula I cart-race mode for the open check-out counter at Target, a trendy version of Wally World with a French name. Forty-feet from the checkered flag, a cute three-year-old riding in a passing stroller, with Mommy pushing, glanced our... (posted by John 1 year 97 days ago.)

16. How Airline Security Copied Victoria’s Secret For those who didn’t leave the ground over the holidays I’m here to report on “heightened” security in airports - a striking example of man’s inhumanity to man. I was in three of them twice, I think. Since... (posted by John 1 year 132 days ago.)

17. JFK, Camelot and my brief, crazy fling with Jacquelyn November 23, 1963, the day the music died . . . I was an integral part of the mythical "Camelot." Guinevere sat comfortably next to Lancelot in the top-down-limo fifteen-feet away. She smiled, waved at me and gently brushed back wisps of her... (posted by John 1 year 188 days ago.)

18. WENT TUBING: Now what do I do with the photos? I unclogged the shower drain with a "cleaner-outer" commonly known as a "snake." Coincidentally in the same week I had a colonoscopy, fifteen-feet of humility in a tube. I can see the similarities. An old friend in Dallas told me a colonoscopy... (posted by John 1 year 196 days ago.)

19. Indulge Your Wildest Fantasies: Apples Are Good For You (Disclaimer: Pardon the explicit nature of my text, though we're all adults here, right? I, of course, am very adult which provides for sundry discounts, a ceiling on school taxes and immunity from generally accepted rules of human conduct and... (posted by John 1 year 223 days ago.)

20. ABDUCTED BY AN ALIEN: A hairsplitting experience in Roswell Count me among the "nut cases" who've been abducted by aliens in Roswell , NM . Technically, I wasn't abducted but one of um chased and caught me. I pulled to the side of the road, collapsed over the steering wheel and stifled my first thought... (posted by John 1 year 244 days ago.)

21. HOW A SHOE BOX SAVED MY MARRIAGE: Yonder lies a gleam in my true love’s eye I'm a reluctant hero, an inventor, sort of. With all due respect to Rube Goldberg and Al Gore, it wasn't easy. I learned that you can't coax, threaten or push a wild bird into a box or bag, not from the bushes and not from your fireplace. So I... (posted by John 1 year 259 days ago.)

22. Getting From Here To There You can do a lot of thinking on a two-thousand-mile auto trip. Aside from listening to Il Divo (I love those guys) sing "Unchained Melody" over and over, and a salty audio novel by Janet Evanovich, that's mostly what I did -- think and... (posted by John 1 year 286 days ago.)

23. WIMBLEDON: A Bouncy-Ball Game on the Queen’s Lawn So we've had the longest Wimbledon tennis match ever between Long John Isner, a 6' 9" bazooka in short white pants, and a Frenchman, Nick Mahut, who measures up to Isner's navel. I didn't watch the entire match and don't know all the details.... (posted by John 1 year 332 days ago.)

24. Missing a Whatchamacallit: a Study In Perspective Before I tell you about my recent deep emotional "stirring" I'll fill you in on a few fundamental truths. Very grown-up men have feelings too. They're just hidden under layers of bluster, "don't want to" and "so what." Though we analyze... (posted by John 1 year 348 days ago.)

25. Sizing Up the Porcelain: and Going Green This is an indelicate subject so I'll treat it as gently as I can. Since the passing of National Toilet Care -- in the early 90's limiting water in the toilet tank -- things in the bathroom have never been the same. The only clean bowl in the... (posted by John 2 years 34 days ago.)