Careful What You Wish For -- I Feel So Violated
Posted: Wednesday, February 11, 2009
by John Brazell
After yet another near miss by a missile zipping through an intersection on a red light, I declared softly to my rigid copilot, "Cameras, my dear, should be stationed in every intersection as a reminder to those nice people in a hurry that speeding through traffic lights is not nice." But, it wasn't exactly in those words.
I yelled loud enough to white-cap the nearby lake, "Those blankety-blanks should be banned to Outer Mongolia, and, uh, their cell phones surgically implanted - without anesthetic - and, their numbers given to telemarketers, televangelists and Teletubbies, should there be any still around."
It will soon be traveling season and highways will be filled assuming one can afford the gas. For your own safety, my fellow curmudgeons, please have a lookout in the passenger seat, a person with keen eyesight and timing, when you're toddling along in unknown parts of the asphalt jungle. It's asking too much for one person to drive, look for potty stops, cheap gas, traffic cameras, street numbers and flagrant violators of the law out to permanently reduce the costs of Medicare, starting with you. It takes two to tango, if you still do that, and two to get where you need to go.
I, myself, am a trained defensive driver, ever vigilant, ever wary. I avoid major thoroughfares and busy streets, watch my liquid intake, stop at red lights and stop signs most of the time, and speed only when absolutely necessary.
My cell phone is turned off so as not to distract from the job at hand. Mood music from Willie Nelson wafts freely, gently. My lovely companion's intermittent discourse on "contributing factors to gastric reflux disease" is earnest, pleading. My hands are affixed firmly to the wheel. I am listening; I am in control.
So how is it that I received a NOTICE OF VIOLATION in the mail? There is a photo of my car in plain view. I entered the exact same intersection, alone, in "Big D" at or near this specified date and time. But this isn't me driving as I don't run red lights, not unless I have to.
Hmm, how did they get such a clear photo of my tag number and the traffic light? The light is glowing red and my car is in the intersection. Is this trick photography? It's big brother at his worst. What next, a peek into our bedrooms? Write your congressman and Dear Abby.
"Judge, your honor, someone took my car out for a joy ride while my back was turned -- that is the only explanation for this obvious miscarriage of justice and I can prove it. Well, I can't prove it but that is what happened, I think ... probably ... maybe. Anyway, I know Dallas needs the money, what with the Cowboys losing again and moving, so I'm sending $75 to you anyway."
I feel so violated.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)This is hilariously great! Thanks John for the laugh at your expense. (Pun intended) I enjoyed your sense of humour in this article. Tsk, tsk tsk...don't run traffic lights! Now, I confess to being guilty of not coming to a full stop on occasion. Well, also looking both ways before cruising through a yellow light. Apparently the umpire has yelled, "Safe!" I've received nothing in the mail. *happy dancing* Enjoyable read, John. Take special care.Avis, "I was hoist(ed) on my own petard", eh? Well, if we can't laugh at ourselves, then what? Besides there's soooo much to laugh about -- or is that just me? And it truly is the best medicine, in this case $75 worth.Thanks for writing. It's great to hear from a Real pro. Best to you and keep your wonderful sense of humor,John
This was just too good, John! I loved it. That's your story and you're sticking to it!" Yeah, the Cowboys do need the money. I'm sure that new stadium cost them a few cents.Great article. Keep up the good work and watch out for those flying red lights.SandraThanks Sandra,It's always great to hear from the best! Yep, it's not fun boiling in your own stew and just between you and me, I was as guilty as OJ, just couldn't afford his lawyers.Keep smiling and keep writing, both are becoming - and look for cameras in the most obscure places, particularly intersections.John
Hilarious! Thanks for the morning giggle. You are quite the clever pen.Camille, thanks for your delightful comment. I'm quite content with the proposition that not all rules apply. I am at odds with to whom they apply, $75 worth.Keep smiling.John
HI John, what an entertaining story. I remember when I had to walk the walk of shame down the isle in the courtroom. Surely they had me confused with the real women who was driving with expired tags, expired drivers license and an outdated insurance card!Thanks for the chuckle!!!BTW, I hope this isn't to forward of me , forgive me if it is, but how is your daughter doing. I just finished reading one of my old articles and I was reminded of her. Blessings to you and yours!Teresa,Great to hear from you. I'm delighted you got a chuckle.I've been remiss in not getting back to you and apologize. Thanks so much for your prayers as we know they have been and will continue to being answered. It's a long fight with breast cancer but she's responding well to treatment, the tumor is shrinking and her blood count remains good. You're a dear caring person and thanks so much for all that you do.Best Regards, John
I am new to searchwarp and stumbled upon your article. I am so glad I did. I really enjoyed it. Thank youLinda,Thank you for taking time to write. I, too, am relatively new to SW but already enjoy the friendly, family type atmosphere. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story. I learned a long time ago not to take myself too seriously, which is an easy proposition for me. All I need do is reflect on the silly little things I (we) do.Keep smiling and keep writing,John
John, check state laws. Here in Florda those tickets are illegal but many don;t know and pay anyway. I don't know about where you live but check it out. Yes and we just rear ended by an older lady, The police dispatch asked us both to pull over. When we did she took off. So this is for Rose, who is driving a gold or biege Chrsyler with a front plate a picture of a ROSE with a name ROSE across it. Thanks Rose you represent yourself well. Best wishes.The cameras are legal in Texas though being challenged in court on several points. No question most accidents happen in intersections and the growing problem needs some resolution. Rose obviously has a bit of chutzpah, what with having her name on her car and leaving the scene of an accident. Last name isn't Kennedy, is it? Forgot she's gone.John
I'm sorry I did not comment sooner, I meant to and then never got back to it, such an airhead. Anyway, have I mentioned lately how much I love your humor? Yes? Well let me say it one more time for the record... oops, hold on, the doorbell is ringing.So as I was saying, I got a traffic ticket like that once before and it just oozed of photoshop. here I was, in the middle of the intercection, light blazing red as was the color of lipstick the camera caught me applying. As if, I'm such a careful driver and would never be caught with firey red lips in the middle of the day. Can you say conspiracy?Thanks for the fun read, I'm a big fan of that humor of yours.MylaHi Myla,It's always great to hear from you. You have a terrific sense of humor and enthusiasm (I'm sure) which must be infectious to those around you. I'm more guilty than the next guy of not responding when a simple few words would mean much. And ... firey red lips are alright with me anytime, it's firey red eyes that are scary.Best to you, John
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