SPRING GARDENING: Neither Adam or Eve said it would be easy
Posted: Friday, April 02, 2010
by John Brazell
Winter wreaked havoc with flora in central Texas and the "plant" people are showing no mercy. Normally cold weather isn't a factor here, though we're forever locked in a smack-down with deer and fire ants for postmodern world supremacy.
A one gallon container of Bambi candy with tender new stems goes for seven to ten bucks. That is one mouthful for your typical four-legged-antlered-big-eyed-pooing-machine and about the cost of a good box -- try crunching one, you could use it as a wall safe -- of Merlot. It's disheartening and messy to see your cute little green stems with roots and a few petals go into the ground and come out later as soft marbles that aren't fun in which to step, or step into, your choice.
I called out Biff from his hiding place near the tool shed; he nodded, almost awoke and sauntered to our side. SB pointed to one and then another plant and began asking for details. Biff, moderately long on BS and short on detail, stooped to read aloud the short bio attached to each plant. He didn't stumble on most short words, spelled out the technical ones, and seemed proud of his basic learning skills. Then he arose to his considerable height, looked down and hoped it satisfied. It didn't.
"Well, Biff, we want something that will grow no more than eighteen-inches high, is drought and deer resistant, profuse with color and, uh, cheap. Do you have something called 'Society Garlic'?"
"Garlic," he mulled, "you mean something to eat?"
Biff thought we were sending him on a snipe, er, garlic hunt in the herb garden of Eden and "fessed" up.
"You're kidding, right? We don't sell food but you can have one of my crackers. I've only been working here three days, but I'm a "horticulture major" or will be if I can get past English. When it comes to trees and big bushes, I'm good. I can pull a pretty-good-size one out of the ground. Since you've got a lot of questions you should go to the office and get "The List."
"Okay, we'll just mosey along."
SB and I wandered around a little longer reading plant tags, like Biff, as we went. She was impressed with the "Ice Plants" and mildly so with the "Society Garlic" which worked out well as we're more "ice" than "society." I suggested that with Biff's crackers, ice plants, garlic, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme -- the latter sounding eerily like a song title -- we could buy a few sprigs, borrow a couple of bandanas, hum a protest tune and have lunch on one of the crates.
Before we left the nursery, a knowledgeable "green thumb" restored our faith in horticulture mankind and brought us explanations, general help and "The List." Contained therein was a tabulation of deer-resistant plants appropriate for our weather zone and tips for "Making your landscape more deer resistant." Pay particular attention to the tutorial in number three. (Honest, I didn't make it up)
1) Surround newly planted trees and shrubs with a cage of wire fencing until they become established
2) Liquid Fence deer repellant may be sprayed on plants to form a protective coating on the leaves
3) Animals mark their territories by urinating around borders of their area. You can "mark" your own garden to help repel deer and rabbits. Urine is sterile, unless an infection is present, and is a good source of nitrogen. Vegetarians will not have the same results as carnivores with this method. A late night visit to "mark" the garden may do the trick for you too.
I'm not sure if this works but with the cost of new plants, I'm willing to give it a try. Should you be in the neighborhood after we toil in the soil and looking to help, I'll make you a meat sandwich, bologna likely, and provide the beer. It doesn't have to be at midnight, just make it after dark.
Now I know why Biff was hired. Nah, couldn't be.
: )
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)How close is your nearest neighbour? Anyways, my first thought when reading this was you should introduce Biff to the clerk at the art store. They might make a perfect couple and live happily ever after. Happy gardening John, I can't wait to get my hands in the dirt myself.
Hi Brianna, and what a great match maker you would be! Both Biff and Art Girl, sort of wear jeans and have that "huh?" look in their eyes. Humour is where you find it and I'll bet you find it often. It's becoming.Best to you, good writing -and- thanks for dropping by.JB
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